Why Friendship Takes More Than Good Intentions
I love my family and adore my work — but friendship? It’s irreplaceable.
Especially the kind shared with strong, grounded, passionate women who embrace life fully, aren’t afraid to shed a tear, and know how to laugh until it hurts. Chris Peterson, a positive psychology pioneer, captured it best in three simple words: “Other people matter.”
When I moved to a new town, I felt the loss of easy, in-person connections almost immediately. The casual coffee dates, the quick walks, the knowing smiles across a room — they were gone. It was a big adjustment.
But armed with what I knew about social health — and inspired by fascinating research from Jeffrey A. Hall about how friendships form — I stayed hopeful. I believed I could build new connections. It would just take some patience… and a little strategy.
It turns out, friendship isn’t a happy accident.
It’s an investment of time, effort, and authenticity.
And according to Hall, a professor at the University of Kansas, it takes more time than you might think:
Around 50 hours to move from acquaintance to casual friend
Another 90 hours to shift from casual friend to friend
More than 200 hours to become close friends
That’s over 340 hours to go from “Nice to meet you” to “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
At first, those numbers felt a little overwhelming. Who has hundreds of spare hours? But then I reframed it: 340 minutes — just about 5½ hours — can plant the seeds.
A lingering lunch. A shared project. A few walks around the park. The beginning of real connection.
And it’s not just about clocking hours — it’s about how you spend them.
Hall’s research shows that quality and context matter a lot. Hanging out, laughing, playing games, going for walks — those moments deepen friendship far more than just sitting next to each other at work or checking the same meeting off your calendar.
If you’re looking to build stronger connections, here’s what’s helped me:
Be Intentional: Carve out time for shared experiences that feel meaningful and fun.
Mix It Up: Spend time together in different settings — it helps friendships grow more naturally.
Be Fully Present: Really listen. Stay curious. Put down the phone.
Friendship doesn’t just happen to us.
It’s something we nurture — one conversation, one shared moment, one laugh at a time.
I’m so grateful for the friends I’ve built here, hour by hour.
If you’re in a season of wanting deeper connections, you’re not alone — and you’re not behind. Start where you are. Invest a few minutes today. It adds up faster than you think.
What’s helped you deepen your friendships?
I’d love to hear — after all, other people matter.
With warmth,
Julie
